Can I Just Live? Sexy or Beauty

I was asked the question would I rather feel beautiful or sexy? I never thought about it nor have I separated the two. By definition sexy is being sexually attractive or exciting. Beautiful by definition is pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically. Okay now I know the definition which would I choose? I don’t think this question is as simple as it seems. Is this just a general question about everyday life or if I’m going out? Does that change my answer? The questions that bombarded my head were crazy for what seemed to be a simple question. The fact that I felt a moment of confusion actually started to frustrate me. I had to leave the question and come back to it. It really started to get to me that I didn’t have an answer. When I put on a dress I look in the mirror and if I like it I think oh this is sexy. But by definition I dont want to be sexy. I don’t want to be looked at and be sexually exciting to someone.I want someone to look at me and think she is beautiful. I definitely feel like you can be both. I then asked myself if I feel sexy does that automatically mean I feel beautiful? I quickly said no.
Sex appeal draws people in. I think subtle glimpse of sexiness is fun. I realized that I have such a negative understanding of wanting to be sexy. That is a me problem.It is almost offensive when someone says I’m sexy. But that seems ridiculous especially when I’m feeling my best when I feel sexy. So yep this makes no sense. I started to dive into why I feel this way. A big part of me feeling this way is I feel over sexualized just because I am a plus size woman. Everything I wear  is not so someone can look at me and want to sleep with me. But the quickest way to receive attention is to be sexy. Now the question becomes who and what are you doing it for. Are you choosing what to wear based on how you look and how it makes you feel. Or are you picking an outfit because you know your going to get attention. Come on let’s be real have you ever put on something and thought oh I’m going to kill em with this one! I know I have. More times than not if I felt that way it was because what I was wearing was sexy to me. As I navigate the plus-size industry and social media my Outlook has changed. I am more exposed to the public eye which has made me more aware of what I choose to wear. Because I feel over-sexualized I try not to make it a thing. Don’t get me wrong I have sexy moments but the goal is to emulate Beauty without being sexual. At the the end of the day do you and be happy. Don’t do or wear anything for attention do it because you like it. 😘

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